Guest Writer Wednesday: The return to work challenge
Guest writer, Callie, authentically shares her story about what it was like for her to return to work after having twins. Callie and I connected on Instagram through our shared experiences with infertility and IVF. We are now learning to balance being moms and working outside the home. Welcome Callie to the Unicorn Mission!
To all the working parents I’ve had the pleasure of working with: I’m sorry. I just didn’t understand.
Today was my new normal. My day started around 5:30 AM when my 4 month old daughter started crying. The pacifier had slipped out of her mouth and it might as well have been the end of the world; her twin brother sleeping soundly in the bassinet behind her. Sometimes this means a quick fix and then back to sleep for the remaining precious 30 minutes and sometimes it means it’s time to get up. Today it was the latter.
This means I now get to juggle getting myself ready for work with entertaining and feeding my daughter while keeping my fingers crossed that my son stays sleeping just a tiny bit longer. Juggling two babies while trying to get ready is virtually impossible.
It’s been a transitional year for us. After years of trying to build our family we were blessed with two beautiful and healthy babies. We feel so very lucky and so very tired at the same time. I was lucky enough to work for a company with a generous, by US standards, maternity leave policy. This gave me 18 weeks (since I delivered via c-section) home with my newborns. Those 18 weeks were some of the most rewarding of my life and I wouldn’t have traded them for anything. I’m also very lucky that my incredible team back at the office is so strong and capable that I didn’t need to give my time off a second thought. I could fully unplug.
Now, here I am, transitioning back to work as a working parent for the first time. I mean, I knew it would be a challenge. I’d have to solve for the childcare challenges, juggling the many doctor’s appointments babies need, balance the commuting schedule and set up a proper home office solution that was separate enough to really focus on work. Again, counting my blessings that my role and my company allow me the flexibility to work from home as needed.
First the debate started over daycare vs a nanny. There’s the question of cost (hint: expensive in either case with 2,) scheduling and, of course, availability. In our area, commuting distance to NYC, it was shocking to me how few options there were for daycare. Only one daycare in our town was open later than 5:30, including late pickup. That one daycare was only open until 6:30 and charged extra even for that. How does anyone, regardless of their job, make it by 5:30 for pickup? When I worked locally, my office hours were until 6 and even if I did leave at 5, traffic on I-95 would make it nearly impossible to make it by 5:30 unless I worked close to the daycare.
Needless to say, we made the decision to go with a nanny. I could list out the reasons why, but that would make this post even longer than it already is. Message me and I’ll gladly run you through that decision making process.
So, on to hiring a nanny. I thought this part would be a breeze. I’d hired hundreds of team members over the years in different countries all over the world; surely I can hire someone to take care of my children in 2 months. Boy was I kidding myself. The process of hiring someone to take care of your children is a whole new world. You want to find someone smart, capable, fun and honest but not so wonderful that your babies are going to start calling her “mommy” - which is a real fear of any working mom, let me tell you.
Not only was it nearly impossible to find someone that met that criteria, when you found someone that you thought could be the right fit, in our experience at least, they’d suddenly disappear on you. I would joke with friends that it was like dating, candidates ghosting you like an uninterested beau and me left wondering if they got hit by a bus because there’s no way they seemed to like us. What started as a 2-month lead time quickly dwindled down to a mere 2 1/2 weeks between me with no real leads and my start date back at work. We were desperate.
This is why staffing agencies exist and how they became successful. Desperate and oh-so-very-tired new parents like me have exhausted all other options and need someone else to take the reigns, and they did. We contacted a few agencies and within a matter of days had a number of highly qualified, and background checked, candidates. It was painful, but ultimately we found someone great. OK, childcare - check.
That must mean we’re all set right? I have my start date. I have a nanny. I have the flexibility to work from home a few days a week. What more could I need? Well, I guess that’s the last part: actually leaving them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss using that part of my brain for the past 18 weeks, but that doesn’t change the fact that leaving your children every day is hard and, leaving them for the first time, nearly impossible. Whether you work from home or in an office, walking out the door and watching those sweet faces with the sad eyes breaks your heart. It’s leaving a piece of yourself behind. I never thought I’d feel that way. I’ve always been career-oriented and I knew it would be hard, of course, but not that it would feel like I’ve left my arm or leg or insert-other-bodypart at home.
The truth of the matter is that no matter how much you prepare, no matter how well organized or supported you are, you can’t prepare yourself out of missing them. So, to all of my working parent friends and colleagues I’ve had the pleasure of working with over the years: I’m sorry. I’m sorry for anytime I scheduled a call during bath time, sent an email during that precious early morning playtime or scheduled long business trips without giving it a second thought. I just didn’t understand.
About Callie: Callie is a working mom juggling life as an executive in the digital advertising space in NYC with the chaos of chasing around 6 month old twins. She believes that transparency in sharing her journey, whether it's her current challenges as a working mom, her time struggling with infertility or even the steps in her career that got her to where she is now, opens the door for others to tackle their struggles boldly and without fear. Follow her journey on Instagram @goodtwintentions