Irritability and Infertility

In the middle of dinner tonight, I pulled out my phone and Googled the side effects of the current hormones/medications I’m taking to prep for our upcoming Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET). The search couldn’t wait until after dinner because this side effect was just too strong to wait another second to either a) validate my hope that this was indeed caused by these medications or b) realize that this was unrelated to the meds and work on better understanding what was happening with me.

I scanned through the list quickly…hoping to find one specific symptom.

• Hot flashes. Yes, but not the symptom I was hoping to see.

• Body aches. Yes, but no.

• Headaches. Absolutely, but not the one.

• Vaginal bleeding. Thankfully no.

• Tingling in arms and legs. No

• Mood swings and depression. Yes! There it is!

Even though this is the fifth time I’ve gone through this FET medication protocol, it’s always validating to remember that these hormones/medications have a real effect on my body/psyche…and that it’s just not my inability to cope/incompetence/fill in the blank for something I’m doing wrong to cause this uncomfortable existence.

I have been so irritable the past few days, and at least a morsel of it can be blamed on Lupron. Man, this is hard. I have nothing more eloquent to say, and I’m sure it would behoove me to focus on things I’m grateful for…but I just can’t go there tonight.

Infertility sucks. Multiple shots in your stomach a day is no fun. Hot flashes at 2 AM and all-day-long-headaches and having a short fuse with your 3-year-old is not a sustainable way to live. Today is one of those days I wish I could just get pregnant naturally like most women. Just for tonight: woe is me.

Tomorrow will be better.